OK – I’m going to give this Blog another try. This is going to be my third run at it. Each time something gets between me and the time required to post regularly. The acquisition of my company by Blast Radius, the birth of my third and then fourth child. You know, small things.

Sometimes, it seems to me that time happens all at once. I bumped into a woman recently, with whom I was madly in love as a young man (15, 16 years old). It was like the last 20 years never happened. My tongue felt like a throw rug – I half expected my face to bust out in acne. Sitting here at the computer, in my house, it seems now like a million years ago, but in that moment on the sidewalk it was like somebody had put the two ends of the string together, and I just stepped across from 1985 into my (somewhat chubbier) body. Maybe some parts of us are outside time, happening all at once. Maybe when you love someone, they occupy some physical part of your brain that only activates when they’re there with you. If you’re together, your love can grow. If you’re apart, it’s frozen, like in amber, waiting…

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One Response to “”

  1. Noz Says:

    This sent quite a concerning chill through me, having recently been both acquired by blast radius, and having an encounter with a mad teenage love. I use this forum to advertise that all people who have ever felt this way should read some Freud on the nature of how we store memory. He-who-mapped-the-mind tells us there is no time in the unconscious.

    Thinking of these things from a 2005 perspective, it seems more and more plausible, that no, there isn’t.

    Our eyes record about 20 refreshes a second every moment they are open, and we can assume there’s an even faster refresh rate going on in our minds of our own thoughts and feelings, and the massive amounts of input from our other senses. How much of that inconceivable amount of data can possibly be just “stored”? And furthermore, why store it? 99.99999999999% of it is bullshit anyway. How many times do we need mark down in our minds, “Yes, the painting on the wall is still on the wall,” or, “the truck that passed by outside the cafe had Belgian license plates”, or “It’s hot here and I hate it”.

    To continue to use my computer-metaphor (which I think is apt, because we’re prone to replicating ourselves in our inventions), we buffer all this crap for a moment, and then compress it and store it. Compression is the important bit as that’s where you remove less important axes, like time, and organise based on important stuff, like category or content. When you’re trying to think up ex-girlfriends, you pull them out as a set. Valid, they will have related information linked to them, backwards and forwards (Pearl Jam songs remind me of the high school ex, the high school ex reminds me of skinny dipping or sweet sweet racks generally), but our mind overlaps experiences based on what happened, not when it happened.

    If a memory is too strong, the association to a type is too powerful, and bang, we have a phobia based on a type of experience. e.g., Can’t hang with dogs anymore since that one poodle went haywire on me when I was 10. Meaning is our tagging information for structuring our minds. We are hard-wired to find it, as the ability to gather and sort it in such powerful ways has allowed us to convey it to each other. All language, be it little squiggles or short sounds that make up words that represent more complex things when combined in various ways, or map legends, or emotion/colour mappings, or body language – we take the tiny things we can communicate, and extrapolate them into huge messages.

    I can conjure up huge amounts of emotion or thought in people simply by connecting with the little push-buttons that I know they will share with me. Try squeezing “Jewish baby puree” into a conversation and you’ll get some pretty potent reactions.

    So, High School Honey, my Ex, my Jewish Baby Puree, wherever you are, you can no longer be refined back into words for me. Cannot compress. However, my man Michael here has let me know he knows what I’m feeling by stringing together a few sentences. Michael, I hope that you�re not one to feel a moment is lessened by its sharing. I don�t mean to steal your thunder by saying I know where you�re coming from.

    If you like to keep the wonder in your life as pure as possible, don’t read about the mechanisms that drive the experience. If learning how your mind and feelings work only amps up the joy for you, then seriously, check out my main man Siggy F.


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